I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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