wat bout pragnant strippers??
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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