why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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