8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
