We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
