Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
