Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
