matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
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We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
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So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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