is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
