the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
