I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
