At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
