I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I just blew my weed a kiss
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize