Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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