And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
