I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
