I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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