the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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