I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
