I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
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