the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
