Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize