My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Just invented taco cereal.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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