I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
