You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
