4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Randomize
