Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
