Banned from zoo.
Again?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
