I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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