Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Found the puke drawer
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
