I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
