She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
