Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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