Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
