Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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