ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
