Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Randomize
