they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
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I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
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I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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