Acid is not a monday night drug
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
please don't ironically join a cult
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