What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
