My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
