paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
