Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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