Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
