i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
