My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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