Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
