I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
