If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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