Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
