Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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