happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
