He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
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My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
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You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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