just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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