apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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