it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Someone came in the potted fern
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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