I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
