Can i not drive my cunt home
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
