Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
