im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
