I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I still have a little drunk in my system
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
