Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
