i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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