she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
