I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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