Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
