Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
We need a shit load of segways right now
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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