I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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